Tag: Mediator

Can Mediation Turn Back the Clock?

Reverse clock with wooden frame isolated on white background

I’ve written before about what success means in mediation. Often it means a complete resolution of a dispute and the parties can go on their way, having saved lots of time, aggravation, and a bundle in litigation expenses. Even when there is not a complete resolution, mediation often resolves at least part of a dispute or helps the parties significantly lessen the amount of discovery needed as the case moves forward. However, can mediation undo what’s been done? Can it restore the parties to some kind of pre-dispute state of harmony?

Can a Mediator Really Like Everyone?

Grimacing mime with hands akimbo and mask on head

It’s not uncommon that parties to a mediation don’t like each other, though you can never predict beforehand. I find that opposing counsel are typically at least cordial to each other and sometimes downright friendly. Divorcing couples sometimes get along just fine during a mediation. And I’ve been in situations where the clients, watching their attorneys bicker back and forth, take matters into their own hands and work out a deal between themselves.

Part of the mediator’s job is to be friends with everyone. If you want to successfully push and cajole, it’s best that people think you’re their friend. Usually, this isn’t too hard.

Does Familiarity Breed Contempt?

Image of Last Will and Testament ready to sign

{3 minutes to read} Estate battles generally lend themselves to great TV. No, what I really meant to say was that estate battles generally lend themselves to mediation. They take some unpacking since the issues that give rise to them are often years in the making. Maybe decades. There can be distrust, hurt feelings, greed, anger. There are in-laws whose membership in the family may be recent or of long duration. The parties often don’t want to be in the same room with each other, something that mediation – but not the courtroom – can accommodate.

Divorce Mediation: How Long Does it Take?

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{4:30 minutes to read} One question I always get whenever someone calls about a divorce mediation is, “How long does it usually take?” The “It depends” answer to this one is far more accurate than in most other mediations.

Many non-divorce mediations take a full day. There is something about participants getting tired and it getting dark that stimulates movement. No one wants to leave after 8, 10, or 12 hours with nothing to show for it.

In divorce mediations, a similar process plays out, but never in one day. And single sessions rarely go over two hours. Couples get exhausted by that point. Plus they need to reflect on and sometimes even live with issues, emotions, and possible decisions.

Condo Association Warfare

Condo Association Warfare by Gary Shaffer

{4:30 minutes to read} A friend recently told me about a situation involving her neighbor at the condo development where she lives. She and the neighbor were never close friends, but they were friendly toward each other, saying hello and chatting when they would see one another.

About a year ago, however, things began to change. The flowers my friend had planted in her front yard for several years were now not to her neighbor’s liking. And the awning that provided shade on the rear of my friend’s unit, which faces west and can get hot in the summer, was suddenly a violation of the condo rules. The awning had been up for about seven years.

Family Disputes: Selling the Family Home

{3:54 minutes to read} Our mental attics can store lots of emotional content when it comes to a family home. For many families, selling that home may be sad, but not otherwise a source of contention. It can even be a relief. But for others, selling the home can create conflict. While there can be an almost infinite source of such conflicts, mediation can provide a way to ease or even resolve them.

Money and emotion are almost always intertwined in a dispute over the family home, and any attempt at resolution must address both. Ideally, the issue is addressed before a dispute arises:

Mediating Family Business Disputes

{3:42 minutes to read} In my previous blog post on this topic, I described some of the general issues that arise What Would a Successful Family Mediation Outcome Be? by Gary Shaffer during a mediation involving an intra-family commercial dispute. These included:

Resentments built up slowly over time;
Allies and enemies;
Divergent recollections; and
Emerging “alternate truths.”

Intra-Family Commercial Mediation: Get Back At or Get Back Together?

{2.54 minutes to read} All happy families may be alike, but all families with intra-family disputes involving money are unhappy in their own way. Resentments build up slowly over time, people develop allies and enemies, recollections diverge, and “alternate truths” emerge. Each family has its own unique set of alternate truths that must, at a minimum, be recognized for a mediation to be successful.

The goal of an intra-family mediation is not to get family members to agree on a single truth. This may be emotionally impossible, and recollections can be fuzzy and subject to interpretation. Words can be stated in many different ways and with different intent. What was meant one way may have been taken in another. 5, 10, or 15 years later, the recordings are lost. And to some extent they may be irrelevant.

Co-Mediation: Does it Make Sense?

{3:18 minutes to read} Mediations come in different flavors. Most typical is a single mediator who meets with the parties and includes joint as well as individual sessions.

Co-mediation is sometimes used in divorce or family matters, usually with a male and female mediator working with a male and female couple. The thought is that such an arrangement will lessen the possibility or the perception of gender bias. Experienced mediators are careful to avoid any bias as best they can or, are at least able to pick up when a particular spouse/partner is sensing some bias.

Getting Divorced but Living Together?

{3:54 minutes to read} When most people get divorced the last thing they want to do is continue living together in the same house. One of the prime reasons to get divorced is so you no longer have to live with that crackpot, jerk, cheat, ne’er-do-well, liar, energy-sucker.

When there are no kids, this is usually an easy decision. Hasta la vista, baby. But life isn’t always neat, and when there are children and limited resources, keeping the family home may be the best way to harness those resources and maintain stability.

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